In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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