If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
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