His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
sex in a hospital.. check
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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