So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
don't judge my taste in strippers
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Randomize
