Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
