the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
