I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
