There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
