he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
