Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
