You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
