my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
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