A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
