I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
