twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
