he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
