Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
