I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Randomize
