oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
