if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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