wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
