just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
