I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Randomize
