Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
