I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
