I wish I only lived at night.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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