Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Please don't give away my fajitas
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