just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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