I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
