First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
