These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
