The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
