In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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