Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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