That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Sober January is a disaster.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
i believe in u and ur pee
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
