Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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