**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
