So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Randomize
