I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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