if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
