Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
