I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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