every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
