my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
