my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
