last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Randomize
