Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
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