her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
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