ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
