How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I just googled if crying burns calories
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
