so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Randomize
